Luxuria Page 5

  Helena picked herself up from the stone floor and made the walk back to her rooms. The memory of how she had made the same walk while sobbing weeks earlier only made her feel more tragic. Upon arriving in her room, she heaved herself into her window seat and cried. Her fear had come true; she had ultimately sacrificed a lifetime of good company and friendship with Katharine for a month or so of blissful kisses and embraces. There was no possible way that she could meet her tomorrow and pretend that she felt nothing. She curled up on herself and wailed at having lost her only friend.

  Over the next several days, Helena began taking her meals in her room again, lest she run into Katharine in the rest of the house, and even began praying in her room, running the risk of being discovered by the servants, or by Robert if he decided to come in and check on her. She did feel that the risk of Robert checking up on her in her rooms was low, and she had sufficiently terrified the servants such that they rarely ventured into her room. She simply could not stand going near the chapel; every time she set out to go to it, she would dissolve into tears and could not go on. Her memories of Katharine would come flooding back and she could not stand the knowledge that she would never see her there again.

  After several days of this, she chanced to see Katharine out of her window. She had removed one of the front doors from the frame and was carefully removing the hinges from the oak. Helena stared, watching her roll the sleeves of her linen shirt up above her elbows before she carefully greased the wood and pulled the hinges from the door with finesse. Fluffy clouds blocked the sun, but her arms still shone with a light sweat and were streaked with dirt and grease. The muscles in her shoulders and arms flexed as she worked, and Helena could just make out the lines of her back beneath her damp shirt.

  At length, Katharine sat down on the heavy oaken door, sighed, and put her head in her hands. Something about her posture made Katharine look vulnerable—a sharp contrast to her invincible appearance just a few minutes prior. The sun shone down through a break in the clouds, putting Katharine in the centre of a bright pool of light. The long strands of blonde hair which had escaped the leather tie took on an ethereal quality. To Helena she appeared nigh angelic. Katharine lay back on the door, and as she did so, Helena could see the tracks of tears down her face. This took her aback. About what could Katharine, of all people, possibly be crying? Helena reflected on this briefly. Perhaps Katharine was not quite as unaffected by their separation as she appeared.

  Helena shook her head. Thinking on it possessed no merit. She furrowed her brow and closed her eyes. Praying in her room was not effective for keeping her mind clear. The fear of being caught out by the servants or worse, by Robert, stopped her being able to concentrate. She had to return to the chapel, painful though it might be, and she would do so at vespers. Nodding resolutely, she turned away from the window and to a volume of Chaucer she had found in the library.

  Hours later, she nervously left her room. As she approached the chapel passage, she fought back tears, but she resolutely continued on. All she had of her own was her soul, and she could not lose it to her own fears, pain, loss, and lust. No, she decided, she would stay in the chapel until she could say her prayers and do her penance without interruption, even unto starvation and death.

  At last, she reached the door. Upon pushing it open, she heard and saw the last thing she expected ever to see again: Katharine knelt before the altar, nearing the end of a Pater Noster. Helena blinked repeatedly, and as Katharine said, “Amen,” she launched herself across the room and into Katharine’s startled arms. Helena sobbed into Katharine’s shoulder and kissed her soundly.

  “Where have you been?” Helena demanded.

  Katharine eyed her carefully. “Here. Matins, Lauds, Sext, Vespers, Compline, I have been here, or I have been working outside of your house. What of you?”

  Helena blushed. Katharine prodded her. “Hiding in my room, afraid that I would never see you again.”

  “That would have come true, you know. I would never think of intruding upon your privacy.”

  “How could I have been so stupid?”

  “I do not know that stupid is the way to describe it, exactly, but I do not understand why you would cease coming to pray, and I do not understand why you never came to speak to me about the work.”

  “I thought you forgot me while you were in London.”

  Katharine blinked at her, then pulled a linen handkerchief from her breast pocket. “I took this from you that wet day in the forest and have kept it with me ever since, including in London. How could you possibly think that I would forget you?”

  “I told you that I love you, and you said nothing—you said that I would get on fine without you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was miserable without you.”

  “Were you miserable without me, or miserable because you had some notion of me with someone else in London?”

  Helena said nothing. Katharine smiled. “That is what I thought.”

  “You still did not act as though you would miss me.”

  Katharine tilted her head and frowned. “Oh, Milady…surely you know how deeply I feel for you?”

  Helena began to cry again. “Indeed, madam, I do not.”

  Katharine gently took Helena’s face in her hands and kissed her on both cheeks. Looking into her eyes, she confessed in a low voice, “Helena, I love you with the very substance of my soul, whatever that may be worth. It is rare that I do not think of you. You were foremost on my mind while I was away, and you are never far even as I work. I do love you with a depth I was previously unaware I could attain.” The kiss she bestowed upon Helena was full of gentle promise.

  Helena sighed and buried her face in Katharine’s shoulder. “But why have you waited so very long to tell me? Why did you not tell me before you left?”

  “Because you are not mine to love, and it took my being away from you for a month to realise how little I care for that circumstance in comparison to how I care for you. I may be damning my soul, but I must not be without you.”

  Helena raised her head and gazed intently into Katharine’s eyes, looking for some indication of what she ought do next. Katharine stared back at her steadily with a fire in her eyes hot enough to melt iron. Helena nodded slowly and took Katharine’s hand, pulling her in the direction of the door to the house.

  “Come with me.” Katharine hesitated. Helena turned and looked back at her. “Now.”

  Katharine flushed red and took several halting steps. “Are you certain?”

  “There is nothing of which I have ever been more certain. Now, come with me.”

  Katharine acquiesced. Helena walked quickly, nearly running, through the passage. They rapidly reached the door, and Helena pulled the lever without a pause. Katharine pulled her back and into the corner of the passage.

  “What if someone should see us?”

  “They shan’t. No one comes up here. I have been doing this for months, mind.” Helena pressed a searing kiss to Katharine’s lips, then pulled away. “Trust me. I know how to move about this house without being seen.”

  Katharine nodded dumbly as Helena pulled her out of the passage. With quick steps, they made their way down the third floor corridor and down the narrow stairs to the second. After a short walk through the second floor, Helena guided Katharine through a plain oaken door and into her bedroom. Katharine paused to take in the view of the moor through the open windows, and Helena took this opportunity to begin unlacing Katharine’s bodice from the back. Katharine spun round.

  “No! Not from the back! I shan’t ever get it right again if you do that.”

  Helena eyed her with a half-smile. “From the front, then.” She stretched up to kiss Katharine as she untied the bow and knot which held the bodice together at the top of her sternum and unlaced her as quickly as she could make her shaking fingers work, relishing the feeling of Katharine’s fingers in her hair as she did so. Soon, Katharine stood before her in her thin white shirt, breasts and shoulders visible und
er the translucent material. Helena felt sweat on her face and arms as she took in the sight.

  Katharine smirked at her and carefully backed her against the stone wall between two windows. She pressed a thigh between Helena’s, effectively pinning her in place as she slowly unlaced Helena’s bodice and allowed it to drop to the ground. Helena felt Katharine trail her lips over her neck as she pulled her skirts up to her waist. Their eyes locked as Katharine ran her hands firmly up Helena’s sides.

  “Do tell me to cease, Milady,” Katharine whispered.

  Helena pulled Katharine’s face to her own and whispered in return, “Absolutely not, madam.”

  Katharine moaned in response and pulled Helena’s dress over her head. Helena felt a gust of wind off of the moor before Katharine gently pressed her against the wall once more. The cool stone did little to ease the fire which consumed her body, and she embraced Katharine in return as they kissed with a ferocity which Helena had not previously known to be possible.

  Helena felt Katharine’s hands positively everywhere as they continued to kiss, and then she felt Katharine’s lips moving to her neck and shoulders. The difference between being with Katharine and being with Robert was stark. As was normal for Katharine, she listened keenly to Helena’s every whimper and moan, and concentrated her attention accordingly. The discomfort Helena felt with the unfamiliar feeling of being naked and pressed against a wall was fully negated by the affection which Katharine was visiting upon her.

  Soon, she felt Katharine’s hand slowly moving up the inside of her thigh. Helena quaked at the sensation and threw her head back, bumping it against the stone. Katharine stopped moving.

  “My love, are you quite alright?”

  “I am fine. Please do not stop.”

  “Are you quite sure? I will stop if you so desire, but you must tell me now.”

  “Do not. Do not stop.”

  Katharine smiled at her and kissed her. “I do love you so very much.” Her hand moved further up Helena’s thigh, and she paused, looking deeply into Helena’s eyes. “Never doubt my love.” She carefully and quickly pressed two fingers into Helena, who thought little else but of the sensation of Katharine’s hands, lips, and body as she surrendered herself to the unfamiliar feeling of having someone make love to her with sincerity. Katharine lavished affection upon her neck and shoulders and breasts as she put her hips behind the movement of her fingers. Helena locked her legs round Katharine’s waist and gripped her back with sweating fingers, muttering Katharine’s name whilst burying her head in Katharine’s neck. Helena gradually became less aware of her surroundings and more aware of the response her body was producing. Eventually, the whole of her attention was concentrated at a single point, and she felt as though she had been packed into a cannon and shot forth over an army of thousands.

  When Helena came back to herself, gasping for breath, she found Katharine also gasping against her and whispering affectionate words into her ear. Somehow, they made it to Helena’s bed and collapsed there in each other’s arms, where they finally fell asleep. Helena felt a deeper sense of peace and contentment than she ever had in the whole of her life when she looked upon Katharine’s sleeping visage, contentment writ large, nestled in her bosom.

  Seven

  The next morning, a visibly cheerful Helena strolled into the dining room for breakfast as Robert read his correspondence. As the last he had seen of her was her leaving luncheon in some distress the previous day, he regarded her with an apparent wariness and kept his head bowed to his letters. She hummed as she helped herself to breakfast from the stepped buffet. Robert looked up with surprise at her presence and with vague disapproval of her joviality, but dipped his head again as she turned to bring her food to the table.

  “Good morning,” she said as she settled into her seat.

  Robert blinked. “Good morning,” he slowly returned.

  This exchange satisfied Helena and she tucked into her meal without further conversation. Robert eyed her, then turned back to his correspondence. A few minutes later, he looked up from a letter and cleared his throat.

  “I shall need to go to London for a time.”

  Helena looked up at from her breakfast. “Indeed?”

  “Yes, it seems I am needed to plan the next step in removing the Papists from Parliament, and in overturning this ridiculous settlement.” He grumbled under his breath for a moment.

  “And for how long shall you be gone?”

  “A month at least. Do not worry, I shall give instructions to the gamekeeper to keep the estate running smoothly.”

  Helena could hardly contain her excitement. An entire month without having to watch her every word and movement. Lovely! “Well, I shall certainly miss you.”

  Robert nodded. “I shall be off after breakfast.”

  “That seems a bit sudden.” Helena attempted to look concerned.

  “The business is urgent.”

  An hour later, Helena dutifully saw her husband off in the carriage and waved until he was out of the gates. She could barely maintain her dignity as she nearly skipped her way up to the chapel for her morning prayers. Her life had drastically improved in a few short months, and now she felt as if all would be right with the world from here unto eternity.

  To Be Continued.

  E.H. Schutz lives in Texas with her wife and wildlife. She may be found on the internet via Twitter @EHSchutz.